Just for nothing

I feels everything is changing now even though the things are nearest me. Sometime I feels why it will happen on me and how I just can solve it well but I no idea then at the end just equal to nothing. I trying to make myself happy ,excited but in deeply of my heart feels darkness, lonely. I know its problem. I suppose to see a psychology doctor. Only he or she can knows what happen in my heart. I confused! I hate myself at all. Maybe I am the one unwanted child so I just can get the happiness but I cannot feel it. I believe in Supernatural power. Maybe is God wants me to know HE is trying to teach how to do in my whole life, to learn polite, to learn everything what I supposed to learn. It maybe is my responsibilities or HE responsibilities. I don't care about it as I will follow what HE give and I just follow and do a little changed in that. "Never try,never know!!"